If you've ever found yourself wandering around in a groggy state of aimless exhaustion, if you start every workday with a nagging sense of disillusionment and spiritual emptiness, if you know the pain and struggle of mediocre morning rituals centered around burnt, stale, beverages, this announcement shall be the cure to all that ails you. Whether it is a marriage or a birth of a child, there are moments in everyone's life when they realize everything has changed. Make no mistake, this is one of those moments.
The printing press, landing on the moon, and the splitting of the atom, from this day forward, will be considered footnotes to humankind's ingenuity. Today, we bring news that will forever change the landscape of our history. Countless tomes will be written showing that this is the moment, this is the time that we decided to strive for perfection. By now, it must be all too obvious as to what we are saying:
Brewtus Roasting has been approved to open a Retail Tasting Room and Roastery in Delmar, New York! Once opened, we will be crafting the best coffees in the state, one cup at a time. Located at 20 Hallwood Road between the Real McCoy Brewery and Royal Meadery, Brewtus Roasting will create a Delmar Trinity of Beverage Glory that until recently, was only a dream in the minds of children. We will have more information in the weeks to come, but for now, take comfort in the promise that you will be bathed in the best coffee life has to offer!*
*Brewtus Roasting will in no way be offering coffee baths, showers, or swimming experiences of any kind. Although, if we did, they would be the best-tasting coffees you'd ever be submerged in.**
**Brewtus Roasting has been informed that we have to state that it is a horrible idea to pour hot coffee on one's self, regardless of how excellent the quality of the beans are. But believe us, they ARE excellent.***
***Brewtus Roasting's legal department has no issue with our stating the fact that our beans ARE excellent. There's nothing illegal about the TRUTH.